As December rolls around, something interesting happens in the therapy room. People begin quietly confessing that they’re not feeling the way they think they “should.” Christmas is supposed to be joyful, warm, magical… at least that’s what the ads, movies, and social media feeds tell us. But for many children, teenagers, and adults, the Christmas period brings something more complicated: pressure, exhaustion, emotional overload, and a creeping sense of “What’s wrong with me? Why am I not happy?”
The truth is simple: nothing is wrong with you. Christmas is emotionally complex, and expecting ourselves or our kids to feel only happiness sets us up for distress and self criticism.
The Pressure to Feel ‘Merry’
The message is everywhere: Be festive. Be grateful. Be excited. Have fun. Celebrate. But emotional states don’t follow a calendar. If you've had a stressful year, are navigating family changes, are supporting children with additional needs, or are simply stretched thin, you may not have much “festive energy” left. When you add social expectations, gifts, gifts for the kids, the family, the extended family, the school teacher, coach, neighbour… There is financial strain. There are the seemingly endless gatherings and end of year celebrations, catch ups and concerts adding to an already busy schedule. The pressure can become overwhelming.
For children and teens, the emotional load is often invisible. School finishes abruptly, routines disappear, sensory environments become louder and brighter, and family gatherings can feel socially demanding. Many young people tell us the hardest part of Christmas is pretending they’re enjoying it. Perhaps if they knew they weren’t alone.
The Myth of the Perfect Family Christmas
Many families feel a painful gap between the “ideal Christmas” and their real one. Maybe there’s family conflict. Maybe someone is grieving. Maybe your child struggles with transitions, anxiety, or neurodiversity. Maybe you’re carrying a mental load that no one else sees.
It’s okay if your Christmas doesn’t look like the movies.
It’s okay if happiness isn’t the dominant emotion this month.
It’s okay if you feel relief when it’s all over.
What You Are Feeling Makes Sense
Here are some reasons people may feel flat, anxious, or overwhelmed at Christmas:
Loss of routine (especially hard for children and teens)
Family expectations or complicated relationships
Financial stress
Loneliness or missing someone who won’t be there
End-of-year burnout
Social overwhelm
Pressure to create a “perfect” holiday
None of these are signs of failure, they’re normal human responses to stress.
What Helps?
You don’t have to overhaul Christmas; small shifts can make a big difference:
1. Drop the “shoulds.”
“I should be happy.”
“We should all get along.”
“My child should cope better.”
Try replacing should with could:
“I could aim for moments of connection.”
“I could give myself permission to feel what I feel.”
2. Simplify. You’re allowed to scale things down: fewer events, fewer expectations, more rest.
3. Protect routine where you can. Especially for children and young people, anchor points help everyone feel grounded.
4. Plan sensory breaks. Quiet rooms, headphones, walks outside, it’s not avoidance, it’s regulation.
5. Name the mixed feelings. You can be grateful and tired. Excited and anxious. Relieved and sad. Humans are built for “both/and.”
6. Let Christmas look like what works for your family. Not what works on Instagram.
You Don’t Have to Earn Your Happiness
Christmas is not a test. Your emotional state is not a scorecard.
If your holiday season feels more heavy than sparkly, you’re not alone and you’re not doing anything wrong. We see people at their most human this time of year: tired, hopeful, overwhelmed, loving, trying their best. And that is enough.
Joy doesn’t come from pressure. It comes from permission. Permission to be real, to feel what you feel, and to let Christmas be imperfect.