Heartbreak is rarely simple. Whether it catches you off guard or creeps in slowly over time, ending a relationship tends to leave behind a tangle of emotions. It might come with deep sadness, confusion, guilt, relief, anger — often all in the same afternoon. You might be the one who was left, the one who left, or the one who saw it coming and still feels completely unprepared. No matter how it unfolds, heartbreak is a form of grief. And it’s okay if it hurts more than you expected it to.
There’s a particular kind of heartbreak that comes when you didn’t want the relationship to end. When the choice is made for you, the pain can feel sharp and bewildering, like the ground has been pulled out from underneath you. Even if the relationship wasn’t perfect, there’s something especially hard about having the future you imagined fall away so suddenly. You might find yourself replaying conversations, searching for clues, wondering what you could have done differently. That kind of rumination is deeply human. We’re wired to make sense of loss. But sometimes, heartbreak just doesn’t have a satisfying explanation.
Other times, heartbreak comes after a long lead-up. Maybe things had been slowly breaking down — more silence, more tension, less connection. Maybe you’d already started grieving before the final conversation. That doesn’t make the ending easier. It can still bring sadness, disappointment, and the strange emptiness that follows the loss of something you once held with hope.
And then there’s the heartbreak that comes when you’re the one who ended it. Sometimes people assume that walking away means you’re fine — but often it’s just as complicated. You might feel guilt, doubt, grief for the good parts that still mattered. You might miss them and still know the relationship wasn’t right. You might wrestle with the voice that says, You chose this — why are you sad? But here’s the truth: even the right decision can hurt.
No matter how a relationship ends, heartbreak rarely obeys logic. One moment you feel okay, the next undone by a memory, a song, or the way someone says your name. People around you might offer well-meaning advice — “You’ll meet someone better,” “Just focus on yourself,” “It wasn’t meant to be” — but when you’re in the thick of it, those words often fall flat. Sometimes what we need most is someone who won’t rush us to be okay.
If you’re grieving a relationship, know that you’re not being overdramatic. You’re not too sensitive. You’re not behind. You’re someone who loved and lost — and that deserves tenderness.
So how do you take care of yourself through heartbreak?
Some wisdom comes from grief work. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, without trying to tidy it up. Give language to your loss — whether it’s the person, the routine, the version of yourself you liked when you were with them. Writing it down, talking it out, or just naming it privately can help validate the depth of what you’re carrying.
Other strategies come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which encourages us to make space for painful thoughts and feelings, rather than trying to avoid or erase them. You might ask yourself: What matters to me, even in this? Maybe it’s connection, integrity, creativity, kindness. Taking small actions in line with those values — even when it’s hard — can begin to restore a sense of meaning and movement. Think: calling a friend, setting a boundary, going for a walk, cooking something nourishing, letting yourself cry without judgement.
And if you’re finding it hard to move forward, therapy can be a safe place to land. A psychologist won’t tell you to “move on” — they’ll meet you where you are, help you make sense of the swirl of emotions, and support you in reconnecting with your values, identity, and future.
Heartbreak, in all its forms, is a sign that something mattered. And in time — often gradually and quietly — the ache will soften. Your world will get bigger again. You’ll rediscover parts of yourself that were tucked away. And you’ll carry what you’ve learned into the next chapter of your life, however it unfolds.
Our highly trained psychologists can help. Please call our team on 9882-8874 to book in with one of our team members today. Alternatively fill in our contact form here to get in touch.
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