I keep coming back to this thought: OCD doesn’t just live in someone’s head. It seeps out into daily life, and most of all, into relationships. The constant checking, the nagging need for reassurance, the way routines and rituals quietly run the show. It doesn’t just affect you, it affects the people around you.
Think about it. Maybe your partner’s standing by the door, shoes on, ready to go—but you’re still circling back to check the stove one more time. Maybe you catch yourself asking the same question for the fifth time, just needing that reassurance to settle the knot in your chest. Maybe the whole house feels like it has to run on your terms where things in exactly the right spot, steps done in the right order to make sure that your anxiety deesn’t ramp right up.
And while you’re stuck in that cycle, it can look from the outside like you’re distracted, forgetful, or even controlling. You’re not really listening, because in your head you’re re-checking, replaying, re-doing. You want to sit down and play with your kids, but the washing needs to be done again, or the floor needs scrubbing, or you’re trying to avoid something bad happening if you don’t complete the ritual. It’s exhausting—for you, and for the people who love you.
Why it hits relationships so hard
Most people with OCD care deeply about their relationships. But OCD has this cruel way of hijacking those values. You hold your partner up before leaving the house because you care that everything’s safe. You stop your kids from making a mess because you want to protect them. You ask your friend for reassurance because you want to make sure you haven’t hurt them. Underneath it all is love! But what others sometimes see is distance, irritation, or rules they can’t understand.
And of course, the people around you often get pulled into it too. Partners or family members might go along with rituals, give reassurance, or change their own behaviour just to keep the peace. It comes from a good place, but it can end up reinforcing the OCD, and leave everyone feeling trapped.
So how do you repair things?
The first step is recognising that this is OCD doing the talking, not you. When you name it, you start to separate yourself and your intentions from the anxiety-driven patterns.
Then it’s about bringing it back to what you value. Ask yourself: What kind of partner, parent, or friend do I want to be? What do I want my loved ones to feel when they’re with me? OCD will tell you to focus on certainty and safety. But values such connection, fun, love, presence can guide you back towards the relationships you want.
Therapy, especially Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), is the gold standard here. ERP helps you face uncertainty without giving in to rituals. And when you tie it to your values, like being able to sit through dinner with your family without leaving to re-check something, it becomes more than treatment. It’s about living the life you want and showing up for the people who matter most.
A few ideas to get started
Talk about it. Let your loved ones know when it’s OCD showing up. It helps them understand it’s not about them, it’s about the anxiety.
Don’t fall into the reassurance trap. Try noticing when you’re asking (or when they’re giving) reassurance, and experiment with resisting it together.
Keep your values close. When you catch yourself about to ritualise, pause and ask: “Does this move me towards or away from being the kind of partner/parent/friend I want to be?”
Try little moments of presence. Even two minutes of undistracted listening or playful time with your kids can be a win.
Get support. A therapist trained in ERP can help you (and your family, if needed) work on reducing OCD’s grip.
Final thought
OCD can make you feel like you’re stuck in your head, pulled away from the very people you love most. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. Repair starts small, with one fewer check, one more moment of presence, one conversation where you say “that was OCD talking.” Over time, those small choices add up. And what grows is space for love, connection, laughter, and the relationships that matter to you.
Our highly trained psychologists are here to help. Please call our team on 9882-8874 to book in with one of our team members today. Alternatively fill in our contact form here to get in touch.
To subscribe and listen to our podcast “Breaking the Rules: A Clinician’s Guide to Treating OCD”, click on the following links: Spotify, Google Podcasts, and Apple Podcasts. Episodes will be released fortnightly and will simultaneously be published on our webpage here.